Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
