Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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