He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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