Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
