Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
