it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
