Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
