u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
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