so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
