i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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