Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i was born a porn star she said
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
