there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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