your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
