I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
