Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
ok first of all what the fuck
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize