he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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