maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Never joke about your clitoris.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
