I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Randomize
