Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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