He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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