I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Randomize