Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
