yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
