Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
