I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
