I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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