is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
