my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Randomize
