Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
