I wish my penis had an off switch
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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