hotel room ftw
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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