mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
