tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
