Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
