watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
