I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
