he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
