"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
