In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
