I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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