We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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