Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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