dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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