You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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