so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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