So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
