Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
