I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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