I can text with my tongue
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
