Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
