I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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