sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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