Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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