Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
