Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
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