I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
