Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
