just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
