Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
