Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
