Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
