As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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