I didn't shave. On purpose
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
