You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize