i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
