I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
