Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
