Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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