Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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