i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
