all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
