Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
