so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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