Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
