I want to have your abortion
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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