i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize