my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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