life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize