I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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